The new normal

My husband and I have yet to pick a donor and I have already spent over $100 on children's books explaining donor-assisted reproduction in a fun, sweet, and most importantly, normative way. I am so grateful that there are so many books to choose from in the third-party reproduction genre. I know how critical it is for children to know the truth of how they came into the world and for that truth to be wrapped in love and empowerment.

This year is the 20th anniversary of the once very controversial book, Heather Has Two Mommies. When it was first published it was met with a flood of protest. The book was written at a request from two lesbian moms who wanted to help their daughter feel loved and empowered as she entered into preschool, knowing she would inevitably be faced with her own questions and questions from her peers about her family structure. 

I doubt the republication of this groundbreaking book will be met with the same level of ignorance and intolerance as it was 20 years ago. I know there will be some, but for the most part, I believe our society is moving in a positive direction when it comes to recognizing and embracing the wide variety of family structures that exist and are possible. And that is something to be celebrated. 

As a human race we must evolve beyond the notion of "traditional" and "non-traditional" families and instead take a more rational and scientific approach to family building. No longer should tradition be held as a measurement for whether or not a family is a "good" family or a "bad" family. Instead of using the immature valuations of good and bad and right and wrong we need to look to a measurement of health that relies on both qualitative and quantitative research. Does this family have stability in caregivers? Are all members, both children and adults, respected? Does this family practice empathy or is secrecy, silence, and judgement the rule? These are just a few of the questions that help to determine if a particular family structure is a healthy one. And the answers to these questions are not dependent upon whether or not the family structure is "traditional" or whether or not the children were conceived "naturally" or with the help of science (see Dolce and Gabbana controversy).

Family is everything. Families are the building blocks of our society. If families are healthy, then society flourishes. 

Healthy families, not merely traditional families, need to be our new normal.